The Legend of the Steel Chimp

Mel Melis shares his trauma with the group...

The date: 26/1/1996. The venue : The Oval astroturf, south London. The opposition: Rolfe & Nolan. The temperature: minus 10 degrees celsius.

THE STEEL CHIMP IS BORN.

It was a cold, cold, night. So cold in fact that frozen puddles of ice had gathered on the astro pitch in South London. Not a night for the faint hearted. The Cybury Gooners were dressed like eskimo's, five layers under the red and white shirt and two pairs of track suit bottoms, but it was still painfully cold, even when running around. Each breath was like having an icicle shoved down your throat. We lost the game 3-0, but on this night the Steel Chimp, most famous Cybury mascot was born.

It all came about when Mark King made an analogy of the phrase "Weather to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" - his translation left a lot open to discussion, he said the conditions were so bad that a Steel Chimp could be seen chasing it's own testicles along the pitch, just out of reach, rolling along in front of it. No-one understood what he was on about - and to be honest, it was a terrifying vision which affected many of us for weeks! But the Steel Chimp.... "It's alive!" And it wants its balls back.

The chimp was no ordinary chimp, it was 12 foot tall, with bulging powerful arms, and each clunking metallic step reverberated through our minds and souls, a lifebeat for Cybury. Like the Steel Chimp, we were in the hunt for our own trophies, which were also just out of reach. So our missions became interlinked....

Unfortunately, the Steel Chimp has never surfaced again. But we know, like Godzilla, the legendary steel chimp is looking after us, in our time of need, he'll be there, chasing his balls, knocking our opposition flying to allow us to score.

A steel chimp yesterday (note: no testicles)